Today’s journal entry may come across as harsh and blunt. I don’t mean to be harsh but I can’t excuse the bluntness of it. You know that inner drill sergeant I talk about from time to time? Well that’s the one who wrote this.
So brace yourself, because my inner drill sergeant doesn’t dance around things like the rest of me does 🙂
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My life right now is like an elaborate game of hot lava. Scooting around from bed to wheelchair, my feet never touching the ground, my legs never standing, If you were to watch me half the time you’d laugh and the other half you’d likely feel pity.
But I’m getting on just fine, pretty good actually. I’m acclimating, getting used to it. In some ways it has gotten easier because my arms have gotten stronger, in most ways it has gotten easier because my attitude has gotten stronger.
It really is a choice.
It truly is a choice.
A lot of people disagree with that.
A lot of people think they can’t possibly be happy because they’re stuck:
in a job they don’t like
in an economy that isn’t fair
in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make them happy
in a place in their life that isn’t satisfying
with a bank account that doesn’t have the numbers they want
with a skill set that doesn’t allow them the career they would like
So they sit there and say they’re stuck.
Like the man on the mat at the pool of Bethesda. Who laid there for over 30 years because no one would put him in the pool. Because no one would hand it to him. In all those 38 years he never got the gumption to drag himself to that pool.
Healing was right there, but he laid there instead.
We are so much like that man.
Don’t talk to me about being stuck today.
I’m stuck.
I can’t stand. I can’t walk. I can’t go to the bathroom without help. I can’t reach my cabinet to get a plate out. I can’t get into my pantry. I can’t go outside. I can’t get that package I’ve been anxiously waiting on that is sitting right there on my front porch as I type this. I can’t pick up my children from school. I can barely dress myself. I can’t run to the grocery store. I can’t go beyond three rooms in my entire house. I can’t walk away from the pain. In fact, the slightest attempt to walk would make it far more excruciating.
In many ways, I’m stuck.
But by the grace of God I’m still happy.
And for all of the things I can’t do, there are a million more that I can!
And each day I get stronger, and each day my bones heal a little bit more, and each day I’m alive and breathing and here with my wonderful family!
And I’m so very happy right now.
Filled with joy, even.
I can’t stop smiling.
Because I can see beyond all of that to the blessings I do have.
Because we all have blessings and curses in our lives.
And our happiness depends on which one we decide to value the most.
No one is exempt just because their life appears easier than yours.
I’ve been there. I have spent years wrapping my problems around me like a blanket. It’s a dark and comfortable existence.
It took me years to unwrap myself from that.
To train myself to look for the rays of sun.
To learn to recognize their warmth and to turn towards that instead of running back to my blanket out of instinct.
I clawed myself out of that.
I’m not going back.
It’s time to decide. Do you want to stay wrapped up or do you want happiness bad enough to start clawing?
Because everyone is stuck somewhere.
and being stuck is only enough to keep you miserable if you decide to be.
Even in pain, you’re inspiring others…thanks for the truly wise words of encouragement. I’m sure many of your readers–like me–will pass them on and who knows where the ripples will end. Bless you!
Stay strong as you heal…you are amazing, there’s no doubt about it…but if there are moments when you might have a momentary lapse in your positive attitude–like even the most positive of us has–take it easy on yourself! As another reader said, “this, too, shall pass.”
Heal quickly!
You are truly an amazing woman!! I don’t know you personally, but I do know your Dad……and you are definitely Bill’s daughter. Tough, determined and good to the core (and yes with a little bit of drill sgt. too). God Bless you Christy for a speedy and complete recovery!! p.s. Tell Katy Rose she needs to patent those seatbelts for horses….as a horse owner, I can assure her there is a market.
You are truly an inspiration by your actions and by the sharing of your faith. You, your family and all your caregivers are on my prayer list. May God bless you with a full and complete recovery – even if it is on His time schedule!
Keep the optimism going. Even when you don’t feel if,sometimes saying it enough times helps. I know because I deal with difficult illness daily. If I let my own pity party get me down, I would be lost! Don’t get me wrong, I do have those pity parties, oh yeah. I only allow a small amount of time, tiny really, because I refuse to let it destroy my inner spirit. I can’t change my illness any more than you can change what happened to you. You can choose how you live with it. So you go girl!
Blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Some we recognize right away, others take a little longer to see the light. May you be blessed each coming day.
Needed to read this today. Thank you Christy
God is using you right now, and is building your testimony. Christy, there is a reason you have become successful in your life. You continue to be in my prayers. I know that sometimes I am guilty of feeling stuck and not happy with what I have in my life. Thanks for the reminder.
Needed this today. Thanks.