Today’s journal entry may come across as harsh and blunt. I don’t mean to be harsh but I can’t excuse the bluntness of it. You know that inner drill sergeant I talk about from time to time? Well that’s the one who wrote this.
So brace yourself, because my inner drill sergeant doesn’t dance around things like the rest of me does 🙂
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My life right now is like an elaborate game of hot lava. Scooting around from bed to wheelchair, my feet never touching the ground, my legs never standing, If you were to watch me half the time you’d laugh and the other half you’d likely feel pity.
But I’m getting on just fine, pretty good actually. I’m acclimating, getting used to it. In some ways it has gotten easier because my arms have gotten stronger, in most ways it has gotten easier because my attitude has gotten stronger.
It really is a choice.
It truly is a choice.
A lot of people disagree with that.
A lot of people think they can’t possibly be happy because they’re stuck:
in a job they don’t like
in an economy that isn’t fair
in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make them happy
in a place in their life that isn’t satisfying
with a bank account that doesn’t have the numbers they want
with a skill set that doesn’t allow them the career they would like
So they sit there and say they’re stuck.
Like the man on the mat at the pool of Bethesda. Who laid there for over 30 years because no one would put him in the pool. Because no one would hand it to him. In all those 38 years he never got the gumption to drag himself to that pool.
Healing was right there, but he laid there instead.
We are so much like that man.
Don’t talk to me about being stuck today.
I’m stuck.
I can’t stand. I can’t walk. I can’t go to the bathroom without help. I can’t reach my cabinet to get a plate out. I can’t get into my pantry. I can’t go outside. I can’t get that package I’ve been anxiously waiting on that is sitting right there on my front porch as I type this. I can’t pick up my children from school. I can barely dress myself. I can’t run to the grocery store. I can’t go beyond three rooms in my entire house. I can’t walk away from the pain. In fact, the slightest attempt to walk would make it far more excruciating.
In many ways, I’m stuck.
But by the grace of God I’m still happy.
And for all of the things I can’t do, there are a million more that I can!
And each day I get stronger, and each day my bones heal a little bit more, and each day I’m alive and breathing and here with my wonderful family!
And I’m so very happy right now.
Filled with joy, even.
I can’t stop smiling.
Because I can see beyond all of that to the blessings I do have.
Because we all have blessings and curses in our lives.
And our happiness depends on which one we decide to value the most.
No one is exempt just because their life appears easier than yours.
I’ve been there. I have spent years wrapping my problems around me like a blanket. It’s a dark and comfortable existence.
It took me years to unwrap myself from that.
To train myself to look for the rays of sun.
To learn to recognize their warmth and to turn towards that instead of running back to my blanket out of instinct.
I clawed myself out of that.
I’m not going back.
It’s time to decide. Do you want to stay wrapped up or do you want happiness bad enough to start clawing?
Because everyone is stuck somewhere.
and being stuck is only enough to keep you miserable if you decide to be.
I just love your stories and this site. You are always up lifting and have reminded me of how good life is. My mother-in-law showed me this site and I have been hooked every since that day. I’m so sorry you had an accident and are going through this but I love, love your attitude! May God bless you and heal you sooner than the doctors are expecting!
Christy, I am in awe of your strength. Today’s post touched me in a personal way. There were many years that I let depression and anxiety rule my life, but I now CHOOSE to be happy! There are so many things I have been blessed with I can’t pay any attention to the few things that I would like but can’t have. My prayers are with you during this trying time. May God bless you and heal you!
Ann
love you Christy, thanks for the kick in the pants!
Christy, i loved what you wrote, i hope you get well soon- before you know it ! and thank you for the nudge in the right way of thinking that i SO desperately needed.
very timely words! i’m going to print it out actually! to keep handy 🙂
take care 🙂
I get so tired of listening to people saying, “I can’t help it!”, when confronted with something they need to do to change their own situation. We can help it by guarding our mouths, checking our attitude, and in every situation – give thanks. I had to preach this to myself this weekend. Timely word!
Christy,
Your words really hit home for me and gave me so much to think about. Even in the horrible situation you currently find yourself in, you are able to count your blessings rather than your troubles. God is using you in a mighty way to reach people in ways you never imagined! Remember, “Yard by yard, life is hard but inch by inch, life’s a cinch”! Literally inch by inch you’re recovering from your injuries! May God continue to bless you and your family as you recover from your injuries and deal with all the hardship that go along with this! Prayers continue to be answered as we were all praying that no surgery would be needed and He answered those prayers! I would encourage you to take lots of pictures (be sure you’re in the pictures too) during this time because at some point, you’ll look back and this will just be a bump in the road so have those pictures that you can look back on in your golden years – LOL!! I continue to pray for you and your entire family! I love your website!
So many of the things you listed fit my frame of mind at times. But then I shake myself and realize I’m EXACTLY where God intends for me to be. And I say a prayer of thanks and ask for guidance to help me see what He wants me to be doing. And I try to do it with positivity.